Gender Balanced Human/Philosophical Model

Donna Kay Meek in Dresses and such make up hair

i spent 62 years inside wanting out as a more gentler kinder human a gender balanced human not a toxic male which i rather found at unease with but more a WO/man or shemale or sorts. inside of course not a physical existance just internalizing my feminine side all these years with my long long hair and all i loved my long hair and still love it wigs all that now make up and dress i am full blown into dressing to the max as a woman in costume alone. down to the noddy boy keem bit and pieces..

i love my male NATURE too much to reject my feminine side also i love being a woman inside and in costume outside still i love women so much i want to be like them.

i am not liking men in the way women do those a regular woman i rather find men distasteful at times or a about 18% gray of them are toxic men and so like a lesboy or lesbians' should we find men distasteful.. i am with them on that even i am not really too attracted to men but somewhat curious about them even if i am one.. and i am somewhat enjoying things that some might classify a gay nature and i wont go into what but it does not involve any other man other than myself is that gay? making love to ones self gay? i mean you are the same sex

conservate sex i was i believe warned against by Freudians i am nearly sure in my progressive therapies and i have yet to break that spell with out being more of who i am rather than some therapists idea of a good time so bear with me while i explore this possiblity of being a woman nearly fully

i love this idea

please

am i wrong to live so free?
how does that hurt?